Hardly Grateful

I heard on the radio today that it was a good idea to do something difficult and out of your comfort zone everyday for God; to be intentional like that today. Of course it was just after I said to Wonderful that I really wanted to cancel my lunch appointment with the single woman that was crying at church yesterday cause

I had too much to do and I was just too anxious and uncomfortable with it all today.

Afterall, didn't we do enough yesterday with visiting the lady in jail and comforting the kids who had been abused and are now facing the foster care system, and opening up our home to host 20 people last night for life group? And because of all that I didn't even get to do the one thing I was gonna get accomplished. Of course every excuse I had for him he dismissed easily and I found myself getting angry at him for not letting me get out of this.

But, I knew canceling was the wrong thing to do and that Wonderful was right because being a friend to her this day was the most important thing God had put in front of me.

So, I gathered up my courage and put away my martyr mentality and began to prepare to spoil this young momma with a fabulous lunch of vegetable soup and cute little sandwiches along with an apple upside-down pie. Delicious!!

Then about 9am she called to move it to after lunch at her house (I think she was nervous about it too) and then at 11:30am she called again and canceled due to an appointment she had forgotten about. I must admit I was relieved she had canceled but most importantly I was relieved because I had not. I had fought the urge all morning to ask God to have her cancel. I had fought it and I had won the battle and surrendered to Him and He in turn granted what my heart needed. The selfish me would've succumbed to my selfish ways and justified canceling but the new more obedient me refuses to be lukewarm and walks out everyday in the fear that I may just not be doing enough yet for God.

Though it is hard, I am hardly grateful. That is, that I am grateful for the hard things in my life;the things that let me know that God is using me for more than to be a hermit in my home all day while the kids are at school.

And I am grateful today for those hard things in my life and for a loving Father who sees me and knows that I need to take care of me for just a bit today. So, the soups still on and the cute little sandwiches are waiting, and the apple upside-down pie has only 10 minutes longer to bake. Dinner smells are calling!

COUNTING OUR BLESSINGS THIS WEEK (a compilation from the whole family)
156. Texas Roadhouse
157. Food
158. Getting to be a DOCTOR (I was excepted in the Doctoral program this week!)
159. All the neato things I will learn about Worship
160. Restitution
161. Time to relax
162. Good pleasure
163. Doggies that come back home (Titus was outside for an hour without us knowing)
164. School days off!
165. Ferrets
166. Emily
167. Gamma and Gampa (We visit them in a few short weeks)
168. Florida
169. Cafe Aroma and cute girlies! (Took our two oldest out for coffee and conversation)
170. Momy
171. Oops
172. Concerts (The Afters, Leeland, and Sanctus Real)
173. Momy's and Daddy's (It's been an eye opening few days for our kids to realize they have it pretty good)
174. Children! and Children! and Children! and Children!
175. Life group and rope tiers (The kids took turns tying each other up for entertainment)
176. A reminder that I should not assume I am good soil
177. A divinely canceled lunch date.

Embracing the Fire

Lately, I've been seeing the beauty in the bizarre. For instance, my sweater that is currently hanging on the treadmill next to me as a I write -- the way it's folds are laying just so and that it isn't quite touching anything but the handle it hangs from and how it gently is swaying but it takes a careful stare to even notice -- this is somehow quite beautiful to me. Is it worthy of being added to my 1,000 gifts list? Perhaps not. That may be a stretch for a heart that is beat up and isolated in her life right now but it is a sweater that is going to keep me warm later when I walk out into the crisp autumn air.

I am grateful that it has a place to hang.

It is in the little hangings of my life lately that I find my greatest joy. Like this sweater I often feel out of place. Casually tossed into a position that I do not do my best work in; in the way if someone was to come along that would actually want to use my hanging spot for its intended purpose. I would then be thoughtlessly tossed to the side again and lay in a heap until someone would come along that new how to use me or would be considerate enough to put me away in the closet with the other sweaters.

And this is where it gets bizarre...I actually am excited to be tossed aside. Because, unlike a sweater, I have a greater purpose and a greater faith that I am striving for. My heart gets crushed and bruised and trials come to me in what, at times, seems to be much more abundance than the average Christ-follower, but I long for the challenge and the struggles that are coming my way.

I recently heard it put this way. God will either deliver us FROM the fire and our faith will be built or He will deliver us THROUGH the fire and our faith will be refined or He will deliver us BY the fire and our faith will be made perfect.

I long for the day when my faith will be made perfect and I will be in eternity with Christ. But until I am so blessed as to die I will be looking for joy in all circumstances and embracing the fire in my life. That is when Christ draws closest to me and I grow to become more of who He wants me to be.

And though my current situation does not look like me being used for the ultimate purpose of my life...

I am grateful I have a place to hang.


Thanking Him for all the fruit, "out of placeness" and filth in our lives.




#40-155 (it's been awhile)

The bathroom being only 7 rolls in the wheelchair away
Cinnamon Oatmeal Raisin Pancakes w/ applesauce syrup
Baseball games the whole family can go to
The boy who thinks not just with his head but with his heart
Friends to lean on
A family to count on in hard times
Pooltime
Sisters that talk it out
Going to friends' house
Spending time with my dad
Matches
The making of new friends
Sirens that warn us of danger
Feet
Doctors
Dogs and nurses
Beds
Trees to breathe
The making of a new life
The son that cares about his mom
Summer night baseball games
Seeping in our own comfy house
Camp that is Godly
Noah built an ark
Someone wrote everything down
People melted plastic together for tupperware
God lit the earth
New friends that share your heart
Learning to swim
Comps of Christ
Prayers at bedtime
Surprise nerf ATTACKS!
Biscuits and gravy shared around the table on Saturday morning
Twigs we can paint gold and get all fancy with
To have the makings of a Christian
Friends who understand you
Books that I can read
Dictionaries
Candles to light your world
Underwear to make our life simpler
Water to cool off in
Time to relax
Peace and quiet
Grace--Your grace=my all
Young people
New mercies every day
Quiet peace
God's ways, God's paths, God's truth, God's teaching. (Show me Your ways O Lord, teach me your paths; quiet me in Your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Ps 25:4-5)
Food for the hungry
Full support when you really need it
Christian men and women who teach
Imagination
Morning head thump...still alive
Machines that teach us to move
Guys named "Mike" that teach me to use my knee right
Thunderstorms! YES!
My beautiful wife!
My pretty girl Koey!
My pretty girl Celah!
My pretty girl Azlen!
My pretty boy Malachi!
We have a dog!
Cool weather, new seasons.
Coming home to a house, food, beds, bathrooms, running water, SO! MUCH! WE ARE SO BLESSED! THANK YOU GOD, THANK YOU JESUS!
God's blessings out of nowhere, when you least expect it! Thank you God!
Celebration!!
Fellowship with faithful mothers
Newness felt just because you rearrange a room.
Courageous men who will go out w/ strange men to find God
My husband who is walking his talk
The ocean
Vapo rub
Warmth and Shelter
Aloe
Remembered guitars
Letters!
The uncomfortableness that makes us grow
Brixton Yeah! Yeah!
That this family took me in and helped me in my time of need. (thank you)
Flexibility and a willingness to grow
Pancakes!!
Being brought into the light
A good night's sleep
A sweet girl named, Brixton!
Food!
Cool breezes
Cute puppy dogs that are friendly
Again and again's
Deoderant (AMEN!)
Slippers to warm my tootsies
Movies
Back-up friends
Love that NEVER fails
The word, Boo Ya! (Good word)
Instant rice
Books
God prophecying and fulfilling those prophecies so that we know the Bible is T-R-U-E
To have good days. (I agree)
Pictures to remind me of good days
Memories I get to have everyday to keep forever
Hope
Andventure
Moving. For all the friends I've made
I get down, He lifts me up
A clean house!
Homemade Upside-down apple pie!! AMEN!
New opportunities
Hangtime
Y'all guys in this home!
Super fun secrets
Birthday girls, especially Azlen today!
Chefs
Gods' time not mine
Friends
God's patience being greater than mine
Embracing the fire
Hanging sweaters